The Ferens Farm

There are time periods with each one of my kids that I do not want to relive.  Zac between the ages of 2-3.5 was A LOT of work, I wouldn’t care to go back and revisit that time frame because I don’t know if I have it in me to do it again!  Zoey has been challenging on and off, but last summer was especially challenging and I am glad we are through it.  Up until now Ally has been really nothing but sweet, she has made me want to smile and cuddle her.  That all changed about a week and a half ago when she changed into Miss Mischief.  Don’t get me wrong, she is still sweet and cuddly, but she is also messy and “making bad choices.”

Ally has a best friend named Sierra.  They have been buddies since day one.  Individually they have both done a good job of following rules, but together they have gotten into trouble exploring.  They encourage each other to do things they know are wrong, and because the other one isn’t stopping whatever they are doing, they egg each other on until caught.  This behavior has been going on for about a year now, so when they are together we just keep a closer eye on them.  As a team they have wondered off in many directions, made a mess of the bathroom, played in the sink, “washed” their hair with hand soap and lotion, painted the church carpet and themselves blue, etc.  This  behavior has caused problems on and off for me, but now Ally is making these kind of choices alone and it is almost too much for me to handle.

The bathroom sink has always been a very attractive place for Ally to play.  She lingers when washing her hands, brushing her teeth, getting a drink of water, etc.  She loves to see how much water she can get on the counter and herself, as well as play with a drinking cup that used to be near the sink (this has been relocated.)  This behavior has been bothersome, but in all actuallity easy to deal with, it is just water.  As of last week the sink playing has been taken to a new level.  Ally started her new identity as Miss Mischief when she decided to wash her hair in the bathroom sink with hand soap, alone.  This is something she has tried with Sierra, but this time she was flying solo.  Then she got into Austin’s diaper cream and smeared in all over herself and Austin’s window sill.  She has also been getting into my bathroom drawers and pulling out dentalfloss to chew on.  She is on a quest for siccors and keeps cutting things up when she finds them.  Ally has also drawn all over herself with marker several times in the last week.  Then yesterday she decided to get into my bathroom drawer and cover herself with my expensive face cream (she used almost the entire container, which was 3/4 of the way full and costs $30) and hair cream.  It was all over her arms, neck, face and hair, as well as all over my bathroom counter, knobs, toilet seat cover, and her babydoll.  Oh yeah, did I mention that she had Sierra in on this one too, so there were two 2.5 year olds to clean up, as well as the bathroom.

Can you believe all of this in less than 2 weeks time?  I have been at my wits end with her.  It seems like every time I turn around she is doing something wrong and messy.  I can not relax when she is awake.  She has even started playing with her dirty dishes at the kitchen table, covering herself, the table, and floor completely in whatever she just ate (this happened before at a tolerable level, now it is just over the top.)  After yesterday’s incident, in which I nearly broke down into tears, we had a good long talk about making “bad choices.”  I think she got it because the rest of yesterday and all day today she kept saying, “Mama, I making good choices.”  And when I picked her up from my parents house tonight she said, “I didn’t make bad choices Mama.”

I stayed on her like a hawk today,and it was a mess free day (well, as mess free as a day can be with a 1 year old, a 2 year old, a 4 year old, and a 5 year old.)  The problem is, I have 3 other kids to watch, and when I am preoccupied with one of them she will likely strike again.  I am scared to think what she will get into next…

Oh Ally, little Miss Mischief, please control yourself, Mama feels like she is about to go crazy watching you and trying to make sure your baby brother doesn’t kill himself climbing up the walls and pulling glass bowls out of the cupboards!

I’ve been told, and I know from how fast time has gone with Zac, that these years fly by quickly and someday I will look back and long to experience them again, but some days can’t go by quickly enough!

I have had a baby in my house for 5.75 straight years with about another year to go before I can “graduate” into the toddler phase.  It will be nearly 7 years straight of babies plus all the stages that go beyond, that is a long time!  I am cherishing my time with Austin, knowing that I will never get to experience these thing, this way, again, but there are other things, things I am not cherishing, that I feel like I’ll never be done with, some of which include:

• Being covered in snot, spit up, sticky nastiness, pee…and who knows what else!
• Stepping on Cherrios
• Sweeping the floor 5+ times a day
• Wiping food off of everything
• Stepping on Legos
• Tripping on a tiny body right in my way (I swear he/she hasn’t there 2 seconds ago.)
• Eating my meals cold (by the time I deal with everyone else)
• Choosing my outfit by what will hide the dirty handprints the best
• Wiping bottoms
• Planning life around naps
• Blowing noses
• Packing snacks, water, extra clothes, etc. every time I leave the house
• Reminding someone to use the toilet
• Breaking up arguments/fights
• Reminding someone not to whine
• Processing the noise of 4 young kids at one time
• Wiping away tears
• Having to wake up when I haven’t gotten even close to enough sleep
• Brushing teeth/hair
• Washing hands and feet
• Saying “I can’t hear your brother/sister when you are crying”
• Picking up toys
• Hearing “when will we get there?” or “are we there yet?”
• Removing sticks, rocks or other random “treasures” from my car

The list could go on and on, but you get the point.  There are a lot of “mundane” tasks of mothering small children, but the joys, oh the joys are abundant and these are some of the things I long to never forget:

• Cuddling under a blanket, a soft check on my chest
• Hearing, “Mommy, I love you SO much!” (Ally and Zac say this all the time, but Zac follows it up with, “You don’t even know how much I love you.”)
• Being able to solve all the problems of the world with a soft kiss, a listening ear, or a Band-Aid
• Listening to make believe (you fill in the blank) happening all around me
• Pretending that the small forest on our property is a kingdom and the HOURS of entertainment this provides
• Singing silly songs and laughing at silly pictures (things that seem stupid to adults.)
• Being excited about snails, bugs, and caterpillars
• Reading stories for hours
• The excitement of a new experience
• Watching my kids learn and the world open up all around them
• Hearing how much my kids love God
• Learning from my kids
• Just being together, doing life

The things I “have” to do often get in the way of living in the joys of the list above.  My prayer for this summer and into the coming school year is that I can stop what I am doing and watch, listen and enjoy the moment.  This is a major challenge for me, I am so task focused.  This is my time, my chance to do this thing called mothering small children, God help me to soak it in!

Lately the kids have been fighting, and not just arguing, but really hurting each other, pinching, punching, hitting, pulling hair, pushing, etc.  When we are going through times like this I feel so sad and honestly a bit helpless.  I can’t referee every move they make and decide who is at fault or who was mean first.  I just remind them that they need to treat others the way they want to be treated and that God says that there is NEVER a reason to be mean to someone, regardless of what they did to you.  For some reason this lesson is not sinking in the 5 year old, 4 year old, and 2.5 year old brains in my house, so all I can do is pray.  I ask God to please help them to be nice and love and take care of each other, but also that they would be friends in adult life.  I believe your sibling is one of the most important people in your life, with your sibling you have a special connection that no one else can replace.  They lived with you and loved you (hopefully) through all the ackward times of life.  They are the only person that knew what it was like in your house growing up.  The relationship is thick and rich with years.  So when they fight it grieves my heart unlike anything else, but when they play and have fun it brings joy like nothing else.

Last Sunday morning when I came out of my room I saw this:

They were playing church and they were the worship band.  Zac was the musician/drummer and Zoey was the vocalist/harmonic player, but also gave the message and said the prayer.  It was beautiful to watch and listen to on so many levels.  First, they were completely enjoying each other and having so much fun just being together.  Second, they were playing “worshiping God” which I know brings joy to my Father’s heart.  The way my kids love Jesus is so pure and innocent and undefiled, I love it and it brings me to a place of thankfulness to my Savior.  I so don’t deserve these amazing children, please protect them from me and show me how to help them love and protect each other.  I pray for more days of “worship team” and less of “destruction team.”

When Brandon and I met and were headed towards marriage we talked about our future family.  What it would look like, how many kids we would have, etc.  Our “plan” was to be married a few years and then start our family, we would have two kids, one boy and one girl.  God started our family a bit earlier than we anticipated (7 months into marriage I was pregnant), but He also worked that out in a most beautiful way.  We started with our boy and then unexpectedly when Zac was 9 months old we discovered we were expecting again, this time with our girl, Zoey Breanne.  After the two whirlwind pregnancies, births, and a few moves we had the family we had “dreamed” about.  I just knew that this was it.  The whole thing happened so much faster than we planned, but it was good and I could see the positive side of how it had worked out.  We were done having kids, why would we want anymore?  We had our boy and girl, life was “full” and perfect.  When Zoey was a year old we were in the midst of buying property and designing our first home, which Brandon would build.  We knew this would be a sacrifice of time, but the kids were in a good place and I was up for the challenge of being a “single” mom for the next year or two while Brandon built our home.

Then, unexpectedly, I found out I was pregnant again…What? Why? God knew I had the family I had dreamed about, what was he doing now?  We added another bedroom to our house plans and nine months later Ally Capri was born.  Building delays had taken place and at the time we were only a few months into the construction phase of our new home.  I had a hard time after she was born.  Ally was perfect and beautiful and chubby (9 lbs. 14 oz when she was born), but emotionally it was a trying time.  We were stuck in a 800 square foot place, it was dark, Brandon was gone a lot working and building, and I had a 3 year old, a 1.5 year old and a new born…The funny thing is, despite my mental struggles, when Ally was about 3 weeks old I started dreaming about number four.  I would find myself feeling like I was missing a child when we were out.  I would think about number four like he/she was here already.  I knew that we were going to have another baby, but I didn’t share this with Brandon.  He was so busy, pushed to the max mentally and physically with our house project, work, the worship team, and leading our marriage study, not to mention being a father and a husband.

I continued to think about number four but kept this dream fairly close to my heart, eluding to it a few times and testing out my “insane” idea on a few friends.  Then, when the building project was getting close to completion, I started to feel like the time to get pregnant was close.  I wanted number four, if he/she was going to come, to be close in age like the other three.

One afternoon Brandon and I were on a “date” at Home Depot (here and Lowes were the only places we dated for about two years) and we were looking at the finishing fixtures for our bathrooms.  We were picking our mirrors, towel racks, toilet paper holders, etc.  We were standing in front of the bath towel racks, trying to decide on one for the kids bath, and I told Brandon I thought we needed hooks since all the racks only had enough room for two towels and we had three kids and therefore would need room for three towels.  He agreed so we started looking and the one I liked and that matched the bathroom had four hooks on it.  He jokingly looked at me and said, “You know that is setting us up for another one don’t you?”  I looked at him and said, “Well you know I want another one don’t you?”  His jaw dropped, he didn’t have much to say.  I beamed…less than two months later I was pregnant with our sweet number four, and final, Austin Jerald.

I now think back to our “plan” and wonder what that would have been like…boring I am sure!  My life is full, a bit crazy, but perfectly wonderful!  God’s plan is always perfect, regardless if it matches up with ours.  I wish I could remember this all the time and live in this truth, but I have to struggle to remind myself of it somedays.  I love that I can have faith and trust in the creator of the universe.  That He is intimately connected to my life, that he cares about every detail, that He is perfect, unchanging, loving, graceful, forgiving, and so much more.  Thank you God for my husband and children, help me to remember that your plan is so much better than mine.

I have a thousand million things I should be doing right now.  We were gone all weekend and catching up from a fun and busy time away from home takes me a few days, but I just have to remember a few things that have happened.

1. For lunch my three kids ages 5, 4, and 2 ate: 3 bananas, 3 pieces of toast, 9 eggs and 3 cookies…If they eat this much now, how will we pay for groceries when we have 4 teenagers?
2. I was in the bedroom changing Austin’s diaper and Zoey came running full speed into the bedroom and said, “Mommy, I know what gift God gave me!”  I was taken back and couldn’t wait to hear what she had to say next.  In a yell she said, “My LOUD voice!” and ran off…if she only really knew how loud it is, wow, she is so right, her voice has a built in megaphone.
3. At the church this morning I was up to my ears in feeling overwhelmed.  The kids would not cooperate getting out the door, I was hungry, and my mood was heavy thinking about the grocery trip I was about to take with all four (something I try VERY hard not to do.)  Then Zac walks around the corner carrying the girls shoes, everyone’s coats, and an attitude I wish was around all day long.  He was my saving grace, thank you God for prompting this little helper to step up right then, I felt tears welling up…
4. When Zac was a baby I made him a polarfleece tied pillow.  He LOVES this pillow but for some reason last week he decided it was time to “pass it up” as he called it and apparently it now belongs to Zoey.  This is a very sweet gesture by Zac and frankly I can hardly believe he did this.  She now has it in/on her bed.  This weekend we were in Ellensburg and the kids were sleeping on the floor in their sleeping bags.  I went in to check on them before we went to bed and this is what I found:

Zac told us the next morning that he doesn’t remember getting in Zoey’s sleeping bag with her or using the pillow (he said he feel asleep in his own sleeping bag.)  He must have gone looking for the pillow in his sleep and found it, and crawled in.  They were both sound asleep in this picture, after taking it we moved Zac back to his bed where he slept the rest of the night. (Check out Zac’s lips in this pic!)